The Painful Truth

Good day good people

It was the day after my crowded night shift. I felt like my body was wrecked, stood and walked around all night long and only had 1 hour slept. I had waiting my friend that would subtitute me on that morning. 7.30 am She came on time. It was a blessing for me that It was mean the end of my shift.

But, eventough she came, I still had job to copy some of symposium’s things. So, I couldn’t go home but went outside to copy.

I cameback to ER after copying to collect it to my friend, but suddenly I saw my uncle in resusitation room. My heart beat fast; I knew it was mean bad thing. I went closer and saw my friends, my senior was trying hard to do cardiopulmonary resuscitation. Aunty said, uncle has a history of cardiovascular disease.

I knew..it wasn’t good.

Then one by one, my senior stopped. I knew.. It wasn’t good.

And when they said, they had tried their best. I knew..

And when they showed me the flat ecg.. 

My heart begged, please.. Please don’t say. Please don’t say it!

– I wasn’t ready to hear that word to someone that I know-

“The time of death is.. Confirmed by the flat ecg..”

It was after a night shift. I hope it was only a nightmare because I felt asleep and when I wake up, everything just fine like before…

But, it was not. It was real and it is painful.

***

After uncle’s cremation 4 days later, my feeling got better. Still sad but to think that uncle’s procession was a half finisihed, it would be easier. I couldn’t attend all of the cremation ceremony’s procession because I had to go to hospital, for a night shift duty.

The night shift was the same as usual: crowded. But, I and seniors managed ourself so we could sleep in a different time. Although, in the morning, I still got dark circle in both of my eyes.

I arrived at home and got unconscious: hibernation lika a bear till the sun set in the evening. What a girl..

Suddenly, someone came and told me to examine another uncle because he was sick. I took my equipments like steto, spigmo and some medicine. I thought, it wouldn’t take so much time.

When I arrived, I saw uncle just like a confuse person. He didn’t replied to my question. The others person who was there said that uncle was had a convulsion before.

He should be good after a convulsion, but he still like a confuse person. I said to them that we need to took him to ER, so at least he could get oxygen or normal saline.

My senior examined him. After all of examination, she gave me her diagnosis that it was a cerebrovascular accident due to AF. I knew.. It was a bad news..

I was not ready, to hear such a word. My logic was collide. At that time I couldn’t think like a medical person. I denied anything I knew about it. Now I know, that was the feeling of patient’s family that can not accept a bad prognosis. As a doctor I know that however bad the prognosis should be told, but in the deep of heart, I still hope for a miracle.

I and my aunty and my cousin were stayed beside my uncle. I saw how his condition was deteriorated, but with his condition all we can do is waiting for uncle’s response. All medicine was already injected. Through his prognosis, I keeped hope.

That night was raining, a heavy rain. I got a call from my cousin. He said that uncle’s condition was worse. I was at home at that time. I called my friend in ER to come first while I in my father were heading to hospital. My friend was already there, said that my uncle’s was no response.

I am scared. I didn’t wanna hear again..

I arrived in hurry in hospital. I was late.. 

I heard them were crying, I saw all of medical device were detached from uncle’s body. 

“Cah, I am sorry, just now your uncle was apneu (didn’t breath). We already did cardiopulmonary resuscitation but it couldn’t help” my friend said.

And, this painful truth asked our patient, to be patiently accept the truth.

Life asked death,

Why do people love me but hate you?

Death responded, 

Because you are a beautiful lie and I am a painful truth.

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